Parenting Advice

   This is a compilation of parenting advice. Some of it I've tried, some I'm currently doing, some I would like to do when my children are older, and others I completely disagree with. This is, by no means, meant to be a place for you to get parenting advice. Remember, I have been a parent for less than 2 years. If I know anything, it is very little! This entry is full of things that have been on my mind recently and I'd like to share them with you. I know everybody gets parenting advice and sometimes, it's wonderful. Other times, you're thinking, 'You're a complete idiot. Please shut up and get away from my children.'.

~Play pen time. I think this is awesome!! Every day, I put Taylor in her bedroom, inside her Pack & Play for about 30 minutes with a few harmless toys. It is an amazing way to teach her at a very young age to be alone and entertain herself while allowing me to hurry up and get some things done. I wasn't able to do this with Paige for a few reasons. First, I don't think I started early enough and also, because of her social personality, it broke her heart to be left alone. In her mind, I was abandoning her and never coming back. Instead, I allowed her to be in wherever I was but still required her to entertain herself. I am working on play time alone in her bedroom with her but it is not an easy task. She hates to be alone and, to be completely honest, it is difficult for me to be consistent with it because I am used to her being with me at all times. I think she'll do much better when her sister is old enough to share her play time!

~Rotate your child's toys. This is another awesome trick I have learned. We change out Paige's toys at least every month. It's just like Christmas day! She thinks everything is brand new and is no longer bored or getting into things that are not hers to play with. We also hold onto most of her toys from holidays and birthdays. We allow her to keep 2 or 3 when she opens them but we hide the rest and give her one per week until she has them all. It's a great way to draw out her fun and it also helps her interest last longer.

~ TEACH them. I think that parents greatly underestimate their children's capabilities. I have learned, by watching children older than mine and by raising Paige, that children love to do things on their own. Their greatest desire is to hear your praise and they long to be independent. If you do everything for them it will become a vicious circle. Mothers will get exasperated because they have to wait on their children hand and foot and their children get frustrated because they aren't allowed to move forward. The message the mom teaches, often unknowingly, is that they are incapable. Therefore, the child stops trying to learn. Lack of confidence on the child's behalf, will effect them in every aspect of their life for the rest of their days. Also, having to attend to their every need for years, leads to resentment and anger in their mother. Dangerous isn't a harsh enough word to describe that situation. You must allow them to become independent. Encourage them to explore and try new things. Sometimes, yes, this means you must allow them to get hurt. It will always be difficult to watch you're children try things and fail when you know you can do it without any 'suffering'. It's not easy to allow your babies to grow up but it's always necessary. Do not hold them back. Do not tell them they can't do things because they will get hurt or because they might not get it right. Grow with them. Do not treat them like a baby when they aren't one any more. No matter how much you may wish they were.

~Allow them to make mistakes. I haven't had much experience in this department because my children are so young but I am a firm believer in it. I do believe that there are some lessons that can only be learned from experience and no amount of talking will do the job. I'm sure it's a difficult position for a parent to be in, especially when you know the solution. I am not looking forward to the day when I have to face this.

~Don't share drinks with them. Unless you prefer to chew your water, give them their own cup!

~Feed them everything on the menu 10-12 times before you decide whether or not they really like it. I have personally done this and am a firm believer that it works. Squash, for example, made my oldest pucker up her lips and pull away the first few times she had it but I kept at it and eventually, she would squeal after she got the first bite in her mouth. This idea can be applied to all kinds of things. Don't give up in the first round!

~ACCEPT HELP. Often times, offers of help are not given for very long. Understand that you are going to need help! I know everybody thinks they will be different or that it can't really be that bad. Trust me when I tell you, it's that bad and you will need help! Let go of your pride and accept it.

~Realize that crying won't kill that kid. Never, in the history of the world, has an autopsy reported the cause of death being, 'Severe Crying'.

~Don't stockpile diapers. I'm sure some people will strongly disagree with me on this point but I say that you never know when you're baby will hit a growth spurt. What happens if they decide it's time to move along and you have 3 boxes of newborn diapers still in the closet? You're out $100 or more simply because of the money you've already spent and the money you're about to fork over. If you must stockpile, I suggest you do not open the boxes and you remember where you bought them. Many stores, like Target, will exchange unopened boxes for another size, requiring you to pay the difference.

~SLEEP. I can't stress this enough. Children require exponential amounts of sleep. Learning your child's 'tired signs' can be a struggle, especially for a first timer but knowing what they are and listening to them, will save your sanity!!!

~Explain things to them. Do not simply tell them, 'Because I said so.' or 'Just 'cause.' The only time that is acceptable, if you ask me, is when the situation cannot be explained to your child, ie. they want to visit a friend's house but it's not a safe environment or something similar.

~Love them. Do not make fun of them in any way. Do not belittle them or purposely embarrass them and do not allow their brothers and sisters to do so. I believe that a family is supposed to be a unit. A UNITED UNIT. It's true, that you will not be able to stop every cruel thing that is said to your child but you should not be the cause of it. Momma and Daddy need to be their safe zone. The place where they are protected and loved no matter what they look like, how different their tastes are or what they may have failed at. Children automatically receive their view of the Lord from how you, as their parent, love them. God's love is unconditional. He is forgiving and isn't judgmental. He loves every part of us, including our faults. This is how we are to love our children.

~Rock them to sleep every once in a while. Do this just because it's fun. Do it because the opportunity doesn't last long. Do it because you can. I think it's a horrible idea to do it every night because it becomes a sleep prop and the last thing you want is a child who won't go to sleep on their own. However, I do think that, on occasion, it's good idea.

~Do not them sit in front of the TV, especially at a very young age. Do you know why we love to watch TV so much?? It's because it literally turns your brain off. That's why you're so tired when all you've done is watch TV all day. I know they say that TV can be educational and it's great for your children to watch it but that's a complete lie. Watching too much television can actually impair your child's ability to read. Yes, it is true, they can 'learn' things from it. They do repeat words they've heard or copy movement but do not use the TV as a baby sitter. That's just being a lazy parent, in my opinion.

~LISTEN to them before you react. An example that comes to mind is when I found Paige in our bedroom, holding a glass horse of mine. She didn't hear me come in so I waited to see what she did with it. She took it to the other side of the room and placed it on a different shelf. I realized that I had moved it the day before and she thought it was in the wrong place, so she was putting it back for me. It's so easy to assume they're doing one thing when they're actually doing another. You must pay attention to what they're doing and listen to what they're trying to tell you before you punish or praise them for anything.

~Pay attention to what they like. Do not force your desires upon them. Children already have the tendency to follow whatever Momma and Daddy do but when they begin to go in a another un-harmful direction, let them. Don't live the childhood you never had through them.

~Don't make them pay for your mistakes. Maybe it's because it's late at night but I don't think that needs anything added to it.

~If you aren't ready to feed that baby, don't pull that bottle out of the cabinet! That sucker better be shaken, stirred, and ready to go when they see it.

~Do not make excuses for them. Do not treat them like they are the greatest thing that ever happened to this earth. When they get in trouble, do not act like the accuser is just out to get them. Do not blow up your child's ego by teaching them that they can do no wrong. Do not instantly defend them when they are accused of a wrongdoing. Make sure you calm down the Momma Bear instinct and listen to the full accusation. When they are wrong, require them to face the consequences. When they mess up, gently and lovingly point them back in the right direction. If we teach our children from the moment they enter the world, that they are perfect and can never make a mistake, how can these children recognize their need for a Savior? How can these children know that they are sinners separated from a holy God if they are treated as if they have done no sin? Children need to understand 'all have fallen short of the glory of God'. (Romans 3:23) Children should know that they are loved no matter what, not that they are right no matter what.

   Like I said, these are just things that have been on my mind. I'm sure there are many things I will add to this later on but for now, it's all I can think of. Feel free to add to it, give me advice or present a different view. I haven't been a parent long and have no idea what I'm doing or how to do it. I'm sure I never will!