Happy Birthday, Friend

   Today is my best friend's birthday. I've been fighting emotion all morning. I am so heartbroken that she is not here to read her card. However, I have decided that today will not be a sad day. Today is a day that I have always celebrated my friend's life. Why should this birthday be any different? Yes, she is gone and I am still grieving her loss but I'm tired of being sad about her. I want to remember the joy of who she was and relive the smiles and laughter we shared. I don't want to grieve today. I want to tell you about her and how much she meant to me. I want you to know what a treasure she was. I can't promise that it will make sense. As I said, I'm very emotional today.

   I knew Ashley for a solid year before I became close to her. I remember it as clear as day. We were at a summer camp with our church and I had an accident the morning after we arrived. When I say accident, I mean disaster. I, in all of my 14 year old brilliance, had decided to drop-in to a 6 foot high half pipe. Now, I was not a skateboarder but I strapped on a helmet, got my footing on a friend's board and went face first onto the fiberglass bottom. I broke my nose, bit through my lip, and had 2 very swollen, black eyes for 8 months. I didn't recognize it at the time, but my body was in a slight state of shock and I definitely had a concussion. The days were easily 80 degrees yet I was freezing most of the time. My hands trembled and I couldn't remember things people had said 2 minutes before. Years later, I remember very few details about that week but I know that Ashley was there. She was the one who went to find my Mom after I fell. She shared a bunk with me at night to keep me warm. She stuck close to my side when I felt dizzy and had a hard time walking. She became my friend.

   After that, we were normal teenager pals...sleepovers every weekend and long shopping trips where we argued about who should wear what. My favorite shopping trip will always be the time we went to the mall and tried on the ugliest clothes and shoes we could find in the store. I love to look back at those pictures! They're full of her laughter and smiles.
   Another favorite of mine, is one of our sleepovers. I came over after her younger brother and sister were asleep and had brought a new CD. When I turned the stereo on, it was REALLY loud. I remember her mom calling her into the other room. When Ashley came back, I asked what happened and she said that her mom was upset because she was afraid the music would wake everybody up. Then she said, she told her mom that it was her own fault and that she would turn it down. When I asked her why she didn't say it was me, she brushed it off and said she didn't want her mom upset with me. Now, her mom wasn't about to beat her with a red hot poker or anything but that was the first time somebody had willingly taken the fall for me. I felt both surprised and loved.
   Ashley had a beautiful smile and could be the most loyal of friends. She was a hard worker and did her best to help when she could. I loved all the things about her that made her different. I remember little details about who she was and these are the ones that make me smile. Like, as a teenager, she wasn't wild about sweets yet had a whole drawer of candy in her bedroom. She loved juice as much as a toddler and was a talented artist. Her love of butterflies was apparent to anyone who knew her. It made her so mad when people called them 'flutter-byes'. I used to say it just to tease her.
   I have no desire to sanctify Ashley. As with all humans, she wasn't perfect. We disagreed, fussed, and argued but it never changed anything. She was and will remain a treasure in my life. Make no mistake, there are few people on this earth who loved Ashley more than I. There are even less people who miss her more than I do.

Happy Birthday, my Friend. 

Just a bad day

   I hate waking up in the morning and knowing that it's going to be a horrible day. Today is the day that I say goodbye to my best friend. Today is the day that I have to face the grief and pain on her beloved family's faces. I don't want to attend her funeral. I don't want to have to comfort her family. These are people whom I greatly love. They are people whom I never wanted to hurt in such a way. I never wanted to hurt in such a way.
   I don't want to go inside and see the urn of her ashes. I don't want to cry for her. I don't want to miss her. I don't want to say goodbye. I want to run in the opposite direction of the funeral home and yet I'm about to drive 80mph straight to it.
   I want to hug her. I want to hear her laugh. I want to see her squeeze her children and hear her repeat the hilarious things they say. I want to trade the war stories of motherhood. I want to smile when I see her walking away, hand in hand with her husband. I want to feel happiness. I want to see her.
   I know that I will not make it through her memorial without a lot of tears. I know that I will not make it through the next months without sorrow. I know I will think about her for the rest of my days. I will miss her until we meet again. I know that today is just going to be a bad day.

September Status Report: Our Little Firecracker

   Many things about Paige have changed since the last time I wrote and yet, she seems the same. Of course, she has grown in her height and weight (she's not a small child either!) but it is her growth in other areas that stands out!
   Her speech has gone from changing every few months to changing by the minute. I will always remember the day her pronunciation of 'Daddy' changed. She had been squealing about 'Da-yee' all morning long. That afternoon, as I laid her in bed for her nap, she was telling me about seeing "Da-yee' when he got home and about reading a book with him. Fast forward 3 hours and he had suddenly become 'Dad-deee' (said with an awesome southern drawl, I must add). She hasn't said 'Da-yee' since and we have missed it so! Every once in a while, something is said or done that shows us how quickly...no...how instantly she is growing up. Being our first, we never know what to expect from her and she is a constant learning curve.
   At the moment, I am working on teaching her lots of new things. For example, she absolutely loves to help me with anything. Her favorite things are cooking and unloading the dishwasher. When she sees me open it, she runs to get her step stool and comes struggling up the hallway with it, all the while, telling me, 'Help me! Help mee!!!'. (That is her version of telling me that she wants to help with whatever I'm doing. I guess it comes from my asking, 'Do you want to help me?') You should see her face when I say yes! It could light up Pluto.
   There are a lot of areas in which we are struggling with Paige as well as learning. She has entered the 'everything is mine' stage and I completely hate that. I can't stand a selfish person and I will not allow my children to be that way. As believers in Christ, we are called to be servants and givers. I know that Paige is too young to grasp that but she will learn it if it kills me. She is old enough now to realize that she can say, 'no' but, thankfully, we realize that she is also old enough to recognize that she doesn't get to say, 'no' when we tell her what to do. We are also working on teaching her good manners...'Yes, ma'am....No, sir...Please...Thank you'...so on and so forth. She is starting to get a handle on saying please and thank you. I'm sure that 'ma'am and sir' will not be far behind. They are still a little difficult for her to say but she willingly repeats them every time we say it. It always comes out, 'Yes-am' and Yes-shur' and usually makes me giggle. I am enjoying her chatter so much. Don't get me wrong, the child will talk until she's blue in the face so I do require a break, but I know how much I shall miss her baby talk when it's over. It's so darn funny! Most of the time, when she repeats things, it comes out backwards and reminds me of Yoda.

Can you get me out of here, Sis?!

   Paige's adoration for Taylor remains constant. She now believes she is big enough to take care of Taylor all by herself. She tries to pick her up, make her food, and often tells us that she is going to get Taylor out of her crib! She had been telling me this for days so I decided to see what she would do. One morning, when Taylor woke up and started fussing, Paige turned to me and said, 'Dit Tayder. Me. Wait. Otay? Otay.' I told her I would wait on the couch but followed instead. Little Momma went into the kitchen, got her stool and carried it to Taylor's room. I peeked around the corner as she struggled to get it as close to Taylor's crib as possible and then climbed on top. Taylor, who could see me, is now fussing harder than before and Paige is telling her, 'Tayder, hush. Dit out. Way-tin. Hush.' (translated, 'Taylor, hush. I'm getting you out. You're awake. Hush.') Paige then got her hands on Taylor and stiffened her whole body while not actually lifting or moving anything. She repositioned herself twice and did the same routine while I stifled my laughter and Taylor gave her the evil eye. When Paige realized that it wasn't going to work, she told Taylor, 'Tayder, wait. Momma help. Way-tin. Otay?' (code for,'I'm in way over my head. I'm going to get Momma.') At this point, I couldn't wait any more so I came in the room and Paige begged for help. When I picked Taylor up, Paige grabbed her as soon as she cleared the rail and told me, 'Otay. Piper. I change.' (Meaning, 'Thanks for your help but her diaper needs to be changed and I can handle that.') By this time, Taylor wasn't impressed anymore so I had to give up my little experiment and take charge again. I can say, with all honesty, that I will never be able to contain my laughter when I remember that scene. Oh, Paige, how you brighten the world!

Puzzles!

   There is no doubt that the only person she loves more than Taylor, is her Daddy. She anxiously waits for his return from work every day and can't contain her excitement when he walks in. If he isn't home by his usual time, she is constantly asking for him and often requests to call him. I love to hear the joy in his voice when she says, 'Hey, Dad-dee!'! She absolutely loves to go fishing with him. She will sit on the couch for hours watching fishing videos with him when he gets lost in YouTube world. Paige never sits still so you know that's love! She begs to go for rides in Daddy's truck and hates getting out. She brings him book after book after book to read to her. He is the king of her world and nobody can touch him. It brings joy to my heart!

Precious time with Daddy!

   I cannot say that Paige is easy. I will not call her a walk in the park. However, I can say that she is an amazing, hilarious adventure every day and I always look forward to her smile in the morning. I continuously wonder what story she will give me today and I do, and forever will, treasure the beautiful joy that is Paige.

Pigtails!

She loves playing Angry Birds. 

Her stroller and babies are her favorite toys!

September Status Report: My Silent Hurricane

   My oh my, how our baby girl has changed since the last time I wrote. I don't know where to begin!
   I can't believe she's already 8.5 months old. It hit me like a brick just a few days ago. She is now just barely older than Paige was when Kyle came home from Iraq. She seems to have grown so much faster than Paige! Perhaps that is because Paige's first 8 months were the longest of my life. Words cannot express my elation at the fact that Kyle has been here for her entire baby-hood and will be for the foreseeable future! Anyways, let's go back a few months and fill you in.

The beginning!

   On June 11th, while we were in New Jersey, she started a very precarious balancing act while in her Daddy's lap and, she had it down pat within 2 weeks. Of course, sitting up is second nature now.

Our DVD collection is her favorite
off-limits toy. 

   During the same chunk of time, she perfected rolling over and the girl hasn't stopped moving since! It took me the longest time to get used to her rolling across the living room and getting into everything! Paige absolutely hated being on her belly so, even when she could roll over, she didn't. That girl stayed on her blanket until she was crawling at 10 months old but her sister doesn't believe in staying put. When she was 2 days shy of her 6 month birthday, I captured the first video of her hopping across our living room. Let the crawling commence! Of course, once she was crawling, she moved right on to pulling up and is now taking very small steps. She is will walk the length our couch and is so close to taking a step away from it but she can't quite figure that out. She will stand by herself for a few breathtaking moments, then gravity takes over and she is helpless to save her rear-end from a jolt. I have taken to calling her my 'Silent Hurricane' because she never stops going. If something is in her way, she simply goes over it. If it's too tall and she ends up landing on her face, she is unfazed. The girl is all over the place and quiet as a mouse. You never know exactly where she will be or what she'll be into when you come back in the room.

   I don't have a current weight and length to report but we are due for her 8 month appointment soon so I will add the latest stats after that. She did get stuck with more needles at her 6 month appointment, which always brings a huge smile to her face. At that point, she was still holding steady in the 100th percentile at just over 18 pounds and 29 inches long. I have no doubt that she will continue to rock that statistic at her next appointment. I'm beginning to wonder how we're going to clothe that girl! At 6 months old, she was the average height of a 12 month old. WOW!! She's not a fat baby by any stretch of the imagination but she's definitely a moose...long-legged and heavy!
   If it isn't clear already, Taylor does not believe in doing anything on a small scale. When her first teeth came through, she got 4 at once!! Paige's first tooth popped through at 15 weeks and it didn't faze her. Naturally, I was expecting the same thing with Taylor. WRONG!!! She is normally a very quiet, content baby but I couldn't make her happy for weeks. Before that, I had never understood why mothers complained about teething. Well, I can sympathize now! I was so relieved when I saw the first tooth poking through her top gums! I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then I noticed another one and thought, "Ok, she's getting 2 at once. Paige did the same thing so it will be over soon." The next morning, when I saw 2 more peeking through on the bottom, I went straight for the baby Tylenol and adult Advil! She has a total of 7 teeth now and not a single one made their introduction easy on her. I now have a high respect and fear of a teething baby. Taylor is definitely putting her new chompers to good use and is enjoying a plethora of new food. She has also discovered the glory of Cheerios, thanks to her older sister feeding her one when I wasn't looking. Between the two of them, we make it a point to never have an empty Cheerio container. If that were to happen, I do believe we would have a vicious mutiny on our hands!
   To wind it up, Taylor is moving right along. In a 2.5 month span of time, she started rolling, sitting up, crawling, standing, stepping, eating real food and got her first teeth. Can I breathe now???

          

I took Paige to the bathroom and this
is where I found Taylor when we got back. 

Always into everything!

Beautiful girl!

From Bahstun to Joisey

    From the end of May and through the middle of June, we traveled...a lot.  We saw beautiful sights, met wonderful new people and got no sleep!

Despite the headache of having to contend with
 3 strollers, 3 babies, 3 toddlers under 4, and all the bags, blankets,
toys, diaper changes, and potty breaks that come with them,
I love trips with my whole family. I think we need to
make it a tradition! 

   Our first stop was Boston, Massachusetts for some close friends' wedding. It was an amazingly beautiful event! The bride's family was wonderful enough to hire babysitters for each family who kept our children while we danced the night away. It was awesome to relax and have a great time without having to stress about bed time!

   We also got to spend a few extra days around town and get some tourism in. It wasn't the greatest weekend for sightseeing because it was in the low 50's, raining, and windy the entire time but we made the best of it. We opted to buy a 2 day trolley pass so we could be carted around the city for 'free'. We decided it was much easier than trying to find parking in a strange city over and over again. Who needs a headache like that on vacation?!

   The first stop along our trail was Paul Revere's house and the steeple of the church where he hung his famous lantern. His house was really neat! It has some of his personal furniture in it and the old cobblestone street is still out front. We also went to the New England Aquarium. Paige loved it! She kept squealing about the 'feesh'! I absolutely love to show her new things and watch the wonder on her face. It thrills this momma's heart like nothing else! 

Trying to touch a shark with her Daddy. 

   As part of our trolley pass, we were supposed to get a harbor ride but the weather just wouldn't cooperate with us. I was majorly disappointed but I didn't want to subject the girls to the cold, rainy air out on the water. We had already had to give in and buy sweatshirts. This Floridian just can't get used to packing sweatshirts to wear in June!
   Thankfully, there was no shortage of things to do on dry land. We got to see the the U.S.S Constitution, a.k.a Old Ironsides, and play around in the interactive museum. We really enjoyed riding the trolley around the city and seeing the sights while getting a history lesson out of the rain! As you can imagine, it was really hard to handle nap time while touring but our girls did great and they caught their naps on the trolley. Needless to say, this Momma and Daddy thoroughly enjoyed holding them while they slept. That doesn't happen much anymore!
   To end our trip, we really enjoyed returning the rental car, finding the correct trolley to the airport, getting checked in for our flight, making it through security, and finding our gate with 4 adults, 2 children, a double stroller, and 12 bags. We met some great people, made wonderful memories and definitely gave Boston got a thumbs up, however, the airport got a different finger.

   When our flight landed in Raleigh, it wasn't time to go home. We spent 2 nights at my parents house before packing up the car and making the wonderful drive to New Jersey so we could surprise Kyle's sister, Kelsie. It was time for her high school graduation and we'd been planning for weeks to show up a few days early and surprise her at work. We were so anxious to get down to it! We honestly had no idea if she knew about it or not so we were definitely on our toes, watching everything we said and making sure we knew where she was at all times. When we walked into the cafe, we knew that we had her! She instantly teared up and squeezed us tight. Mission accomplished!! The only bad part was that she had to finish her shift. None of us had thought of that. oh well, it was a rookie mistake.  

Love this one!

Proud big brother!

Kyle never resists an opportunity to chunk
Kel in the pool!

    We got to hang out up there for about a week and enjoyed throwing Kel in the pool at her graduation party, cheering her on at her actual graduation and soaked up as much time with Kyle's family as possible. We always run wild while we're in Jersey and this time was no different. There's always somebody else to go see! Finding a place to get the girls down for a nap can be a challenge but we always work it out. I also got to visit with a good friend from Bragg who's up there while her hubby is in Korea. I always love our girl time!
   We left home on May 30 and didn't get back until June 15. Once we made it home, sadly, there was no rest for the weary. Kyle had to head straight back to work and the girls were willing to let me sleep an extra hour the first morning home but gave me nothing else. Where's the compassion, little ladies?!

How to Spend and Save your Money with a Baby

   Similar to my previous post, Parenting Advice, this is a compilation of money saving tips for Mommas of young babies. I had to write this in a bit of a hurry so I'm sure there are unseen errors and I have no doubt that I will add more to it. On another note, I finally figured out how to open my blog up to comments from anybody so feel free to ask questions, disagree or add anything!

   Homemade baby wipes~ You can buy 720 Target brand baby wipes for $13.69. That is certainly not a bad price, when you compare it to other name brands, but it's an astronomical price when you compare it to homemade baby wipes. I make my wipes from the Viva brand paper towels and I can make 1200 wipes for $17.39. Surprisingly, I found a recipe on Food.com  then, tweaked it to my liking. This is my version...
   Ingredients:
   1 package of Viva brand paper towels (These or any cloth-like brand will do.)
   2 cups of boiling water
   1 Tablespoon of baby shampoo or soap
   2 Tablespoons of coconut oil (Can also use baby, mineral or massage oil.)
   2 Tablespoons of white vinegar (This is to prevent mold. The original recipe calls for 1 tablespoon but I use more simply because my changing table sits in direct sunlight and I had trouble controlling mold)

   Directions:
1- Put your water on to boil. While you're waiting, hold your paper towel roll lengthwise and saw it in half. When you're done, pick off the shredded paper.
2- Place it shredded side down in a quart size plastic bag.
3- Mix the rest of the ingredients together and slowly pour it over your roll. (Don't worry about the tube, you can easily pull it out after it soaks for a few minutes)
4- Let it sit for about 10 minutes or until the roll is saturated. Then pull the cardboard tube out.
5- Pull your first wipe from the center and you're ready to go!

   I have also recently made my own wipes holder from an empty formula container. I simply cleaned it and cut a small X in the lid to allow the wipes to come out easily. I leave my wipes in their quart bag and push them inside. You can pretty it up any way you like but this is what mine looks like after a little spray paint, some ribbon and a few buttons.


 
   Cloth diapers~ This is something that is very expensive at first but will save you tons of money in the long run. I do not have enough cloth diapers to use them exclusively but I can make a pack of 102 Target brand diapers last an entire month when I use the few that I have! You can buy these from Amazon.com  or find a 'seconds' retailer, like Fuzzibunz Seconds, to save money on the original purchase. I recommend the one size diapers because you won't have to buy as many!

   Rotating toys~ I have mentioned this is a previous blog and I do believe I will never find anything bad about it! Rotating my daughter's toys keeps her occupied with the same toys over and over again and it keeps us from having to buy her new toys every couple of months because she is bored. I don't believe that it will save you from ever having to buy toys because children grow up and eventually, she will be too old to be interested in them but, if I can delay her boredom and save my cash for a while, I'm going to! Let's be honest, her grandparents do most of the toy-buying anyway and I'm happy to let them have their fun! I also think it would be an awesome idea to trade toys with friends or family who have children of similar ages. You can write the last name of each family on their toys and everybody gets a turn. I would love to do this but with a husband and a brother in the Army, it's not an option at the moment!

   Homemade baby food~ The average cost of a 4oz baby food jar is $.90. Assuming your baby eats one per feeding and eats 4x a day, that's $108 a month on baby food. If they eat 2 jars at once, you're looking at $216 a month and $2,592 a year. However, if you go to Sam's and buy a 3lbs bag of carrots for $3.98, you will be able to make 12 4oz meals. If you bought baby food, you could buy a whopping 4.5 jars for that much money and, on top of that, I am not factoring in the taxes! Plus, with all of the preservatives in baby food, it's not really good for them!

   Breastfeed~ The cost of a regular store brand (in this case Sam's brand) 48oz container of formula is $23.28. If your baby eats 12oz in a day (I'm not factoring in the water because 12 oz of formula means 24oz of water), you're looking at buying formula every 4 days. For the sake of argument and factoring in a few extra feedings, let's say you buy 8 cans of formula per month at $23.28. That is a total of $186.24 per month and $2,234.88 per year. Again, I did not add the taxes and I used the cheap formula. Despite the cost, I do recommend keeping a small amount on hand, just in case. If anything, having a baby will teach you to always be prepared!

    Buy a good breast pump~ If you decide to breastfeed, do not buy a cheap pump. In my experience, you get what you pay for in the arena! Now, I'm not saying that you need a hospital grade pump but if you're planning on going back to work or will be pumping every day, I recommend one of the higher end pumps. If I am not mistaken, the best every day pump is currently sold by Medela. I have never personally used one so I cannot give you a particular model but I have a couple friends who own them and they love them! If you need a pump to use a few times a week, I recommend the miPump by First Years.

   Ross, Marshalls, TJ Maxx~ As with everything, these places offer amazing discounts on baby items. I have seen play mats, highchairs, car seats, bouncers, and, of course, the little every day items that you will require at a fraction of the normal cost. If you register for something but don't get it, I highly recommend checking these types of places regularly!! I also think highly of good consignment stores. You can find awesome, very clean essentials at less than half the regular price!

   Hand-me-downs~ If you have somebody to pass clothes, blankets, bibs etc. onto to you, take them! You can pick through, get what you like and put the rest in a donation bin. I know that when most people think 'hand-me-down', they see stains and rips but that's not always the case. Another great thing about consignment stores is that you can buy used clothing in perfect shape for a few dollars an outfit! Hand-me-downs come in all types as well...clothes, shoes, toys, nursery furniture, etc.

   Look for a 'big baby' car seat~ This is a recent lesson for me. I have a good friend who has big babies like I do and she informed me that some infant car seats are specifically made for large babies. Now, if you have a petite baby, I would still recommend one simply because it will hold them longer. For those of you who are reading this and haven't had your baby yet, you will learn how convenient it is to be able to simply lift their car seat out of the truck, snap it into the stroller and go. Once they outgrow an infant seat and you have to unbuckle them, pull them out (without whopping their head on the inside of the door), get them in the stroller, buckle them back up, hand them a blanket and some toys, walk to the back of the stroller, put your bag in it, pull the cover over them and walk into the store. Oh yes, I recommend spending the extra cash and saving the toddler car seat for later!

Things I believe you don't need...

   Bassinet~ These are marketed well but completely unnecessary. They are overly expensive for the amount of time that your baby will fit in it. The smarter choice is a Pack n' Play. These often come with a bassinet portion, are portable, and your baby will fit in this for a much longer period of time! This can be used as a bassinet when they are tiny and you want them to be in arms reach at night. It is a great thing to have if you're planning on being outside and you need them off the ground, especially when they are rolling or crawling. I mentioned play time in my previous blog post and it would be impossible without the safe environment of a Pack n' Play. Another downside to bassinets is that they are difficult to store when you no longer need it and are nearly impossible to resell.

Baby bathtub~ I would say that you need a bath chair but I don't think you need the whole shebang, unless your only option is bathing them in the sink. In that case, a bath that will sit in your sink can be a life saver! However, in my opinion, a baby bathtub is just one more expensive thing you 'need' to buy but, eventually, you're just stuck finding a place to store a very big, awkward item. Buy a bath chair for less than half the cost and use your tub!

Dreft laundry detergent~ Unless your baby has severely sensitive skin, I don't think this is necessary. All newborns get rashes and their skin will get irritated at the smallest thing but that is completely normal and doesn't mean that they are or are not allergic to something. Dreft has its place but I don't think it's a must-have for all babies right off the bat. Give your child some time to get used to the world before you spend unnecessary money.

   A huge diaper bag~ This is a pick your poison type of situation. What is wonderful about a diaper bag is exactly what makes it vile...it's HUGE. They're awesome because they will fit everything you need inside, assuming you learn to stop over-packing, but this also makes them ridiculously heavy. I'm convinced that the only reason diapers bags are made that big is because mothers put them in the bottom of the stroller. If we had to carry that thing for long periods of time,  those companies would have a mutiny on their hands! Once I learned the over-packing rule, I went to Ross and bought a cute, large purse. I used the outside pockets for bottles and kept the essentials inside...3-4 diapers, wipes, one change of clothes, burp clothes (I always had to have a few of these!), a bib, a pacifier, and maybe some snacks. Once I bought this bag, I used my gigantic diaper bag as a back-up but left it in the car. It had more diapers, wipes, a couple changes of clothes, baby tylenol, more burp clothes (Paige spit up A LOT), my baby carrier, an extra blanket, a clean bottle and some formula in it. I realized that I needed to bring all of those things because you never know how many outfits a baby is going to mess up and you certainly don't want to run out of diapers or wipes but I didn't have to carry all of it around. Talk about a backache! Chances are, you already have a large purse that can be used as a diaper bag or as your back up. If you just want a diaper bag, put that thing on your registry, let somebody else shell out the cash for the expensive thing, and don't over pack it!

Parenting Advice

   This is a compilation of parenting advice. Some of it I've tried, some I'm currently doing, some I would like to do when my children are older, and others I completely disagree with. This is, by no means, meant to be a place for you to get parenting advice. Remember, I have been a parent for less than 2 years. If I know anything, it is very little! This entry is full of things that have been on my mind recently and I'd like to share them with you. I know everybody gets parenting advice and sometimes, it's wonderful. Other times, you're thinking, 'You're a complete idiot. Please shut up and get away from my children.'.

~Play pen time. I think this is awesome!! Every day, I put Taylor in her bedroom, inside her Pack & Play for about 30 minutes with a few harmless toys. It is an amazing way to teach her at a very young age to be alone and entertain herself while allowing me to hurry up and get some things done. I wasn't able to do this with Paige for a few reasons. First, I don't think I started early enough and also, because of her social personality, it broke her heart to be left alone. In her mind, I was abandoning her and never coming back. Instead, I allowed her to be in wherever I was but still required her to entertain herself. I am working on play time alone in her bedroom with her but it is not an easy task. She hates to be alone and, to be completely honest, it is difficult for me to be consistent with it because I am used to her being with me at all times. I think she'll do much better when her sister is old enough to share her play time!

~Rotate your child's toys. This is another awesome trick I have learned. We change out Paige's toys at least every month. It's just like Christmas day! She thinks everything is brand new and is no longer bored or getting into things that are not hers to play with. We also hold onto most of her toys from holidays and birthdays. We allow her to keep 2 or 3 when she opens them but we hide the rest and give her one per week until she has them all. It's a great way to draw out her fun and it also helps her interest last longer.

~ TEACH them. I think that parents greatly underestimate their children's capabilities. I have learned, by watching children older than mine and by raising Paige, that children love to do things on their own. Their greatest desire is to hear your praise and they long to be independent. If you do everything for them it will become a vicious circle. Mothers will get exasperated because they have to wait on their children hand and foot and their children get frustrated because they aren't allowed to move forward. The message the mom teaches, often unknowingly, is that they are incapable. Therefore, the child stops trying to learn. Lack of confidence on the child's behalf, will effect them in every aspect of their life for the rest of their days. Also, having to attend to their every need for years, leads to resentment and anger in their mother. Dangerous isn't a harsh enough word to describe that situation. You must allow them to become independent. Encourage them to explore and try new things. Sometimes, yes, this means you must allow them to get hurt. It will always be difficult to watch you're children try things and fail when you know you can do it without any 'suffering'. It's not easy to allow your babies to grow up but it's always necessary. Do not hold them back. Do not tell them they can't do things because they will get hurt or because they might not get it right. Grow with them. Do not treat them like a baby when they aren't one any more. No matter how much you may wish they were.

~Allow them to make mistakes. I haven't had much experience in this department because my children are so young but I am a firm believer in it. I do believe that there are some lessons that can only be learned from experience and no amount of talking will do the job. I'm sure it's a difficult position for a parent to be in, especially when you know the solution. I am not looking forward to the day when I have to face this.

~Don't share drinks with them. Unless you prefer to chew your water, give them their own cup!

~Feed them everything on the menu 10-12 times before you decide whether or not they really like it. I have personally done this and am a firm believer that it works. Squash, for example, made my oldest pucker up her lips and pull away the first few times she had it but I kept at it and eventually, she would squeal after she got the first bite in her mouth. This idea can be applied to all kinds of things. Don't give up in the first round!

~ACCEPT HELP. Often times, offers of help are not given for very long. Understand that you are going to need help! I know everybody thinks they will be different or that it can't really be that bad. Trust me when I tell you, it's that bad and you will need help! Let go of your pride and accept it.

~Realize that crying won't kill that kid. Never, in the history of the world, has an autopsy reported the cause of death being, 'Severe Crying'.

~Don't stockpile diapers. I'm sure some people will strongly disagree with me on this point but I say that you never know when you're baby will hit a growth spurt. What happens if they decide it's time to move along and you have 3 boxes of newborn diapers still in the closet? You're out $100 or more simply because of the money you've already spent and the money you're about to fork over. If you must stockpile, I suggest you do not open the boxes and you remember where you bought them. Many stores, like Target, will exchange unopened boxes for another size, requiring you to pay the difference.

~SLEEP. I can't stress this enough. Children require exponential amounts of sleep. Learning your child's 'tired signs' can be a struggle, especially for a first timer but knowing what they are and listening to them, will save your sanity!!!

~Explain things to them. Do not simply tell them, 'Because I said so.' or 'Just 'cause.' The only time that is acceptable, if you ask me, is when the situation cannot be explained to your child, ie. they want to visit a friend's house but it's not a safe environment or something similar.

~Love them. Do not make fun of them in any way. Do not belittle them or purposely embarrass them and do not allow their brothers and sisters to do so. I believe that a family is supposed to be a unit. A UNITED UNIT. It's true, that you will not be able to stop every cruel thing that is said to your child but you should not be the cause of it. Momma and Daddy need to be their safe zone. The place where they are protected and loved no matter what they look like, how different their tastes are or what they may have failed at. Children automatically receive their view of the Lord from how you, as their parent, love them. God's love is unconditional. He is forgiving and isn't judgmental. He loves every part of us, including our faults. This is how we are to love our children.

~Rock them to sleep every once in a while. Do this just because it's fun. Do it because the opportunity doesn't last long. Do it because you can. I think it's a horrible idea to do it every night because it becomes a sleep prop and the last thing you want is a child who won't go to sleep on their own. However, I do think that, on occasion, it's good idea.

~Do not them sit in front of the TV, especially at a very young age. Do you know why we love to watch TV so much?? It's because it literally turns your brain off. That's why you're so tired when all you've done is watch TV all day. I know they say that TV can be educational and it's great for your children to watch it but that's a complete lie. Watching too much television can actually impair your child's ability to read. Yes, it is true, they can 'learn' things from it. They do repeat words they've heard or copy movement but do not use the TV as a baby sitter. That's just being a lazy parent, in my opinion.

~LISTEN to them before you react. An example that comes to mind is when I found Paige in our bedroom, holding a glass horse of mine. She didn't hear me come in so I waited to see what she did with it. She took it to the other side of the room and placed it on a different shelf. I realized that I had moved it the day before and she thought it was in the wrong place, so she was putting it back for me. It's so easy to assume they're doing one thing when they're actually doing another. You must pay attention to what they're doing and listen to what they're trying to tell you before you punish or praise them for anything.

~Pay attention to what they like. Do not force your desires upon them. Children already have the tendency to follow whatever Momma and Daddy do but when they begin to go in a another un-harmful direction, let them. Don't live the childhood you never had through them.

~Don't make them pay for your mistakes. Maybe it's because it's late at night but I don't think that needs anything added to it.

~If you aren't ready to feed that baby, don't pull that bottle out of the cabinet! That sucker better be shaken, stirred, and ready to go when they see it.

~Do not make excuses for them. Do not treat them like they are the greatest thing that ever happened to this earth. When they get in trouble, do not act like the accuser is just out to get them. Do not blow up your child's ego by teaching them that they can do no wrong. Do not instantly defend them when they are accused of a wrongdoing. Make sure you calm down the Momma Bear instinct and listen to the full accusation. When they are wrong, require them to face the consequences. When they mess up, gently and lovingly point them back in the right direction. If we teach our children from the moment they enter the world, that they are perfect and can never make a mistake, how can these children recognize their need for a Savior? How can these children know that they are sinners separated from a holy God if they are treated as if they have done no sin? Children need to understand 'all have fallen short of the glory of God'. (Romans 3:23) Children should know that they are loved no matter what, not that they are right no matter what.

   Like I said, these are just things that have been on my mind. I'm sure there are many things I will add to this later on but for now, it's all I can think of. Feel free to add to it, give me advice or present a different view. I haven't been a parent long and have no idea what I'm doing or how to do it. I'm sure I never will!

May Status Report

Before...

   There isn't much about Paige that has changed. She is still our little firecracker. She enjoys going outside to the swings, always has a baby doll in her arms and loves testing my hearing all day every day. She has been speaking well for months but she's beginning to repeat whole sentences instead of a word or two. That really keeps us on our toes! She sings along to the radio and dances to any song with an uptempo beat. She throws her arms in the air, spins in circles and squeals, 'Dancin! Dancin!'. Yes, it is the cutest thing ever.

After!

 
   She also just got through a growth spurt and I was certain the girl was about to start eating the kitchen cabinets. I couldn't keep her full! She ate every 2-3 hours for a solid 2 weeks and slept like a hibernating bear. The worst part was when I woke up to her cries at 3am on a Saturday morning. Once I stumbled out of bed and into her room, I asked what was wrong. She whined, 'Hunneee!!!' I honestly thought it was just a rouse to get out of bed so I replied, 'There's no way you're hungry!' I knew I was dead wrong when she instantly burst into sobs. I just couldn't believe she had woken up hungry at 3am! Needless to say, I let her get up and she wandered around while I scrounged through the fridge, hoping I didn't have to cook anything. Once the girl had some water and a full belly, she went right back to sleep without another word. I still can't believe it. Growth spurts may be the death of me!



   Tall Taylor is doing great. In true baby fashion, everything that touches her hands ends up in her mouth, including our dog's ears when the opportunity presents itself. She jabbers up a storm but is instantly quiet when her big sister enters the room. She's too busy watching Paige's every move to talk. Nobody can get her laughing like Paige can. It's a wonderful thing to watch! Her smile is contagious and she shares it with everybody. The funniest thing about the girl is that we never know what position we're going to find her in when we wake her up. We made her some make-shift bumpers but we recently had to take them out. You'll see why...

   Taylor had the privilege of spending her 4 month birthday at her well-baby check up, which meant another round of shots, along with weight and height measurements. It came as no surprise to hear that she's still a moose. She crushed the scales at nearly 16 pounds and was over 27 inches, keeping her rank in the 100th percentile. Her health is still picture perfect, which came as a huge relief for me since I have been struggling with producing enough milk for such a big baby. I have had to resort to formula more than I would like but it's worth it to make sure she's getting enough. Her doctor told me that I could give her cereal but I declined. I've decided that, when necessary, formula is best because it will not be as harsh on her belly as cereal. She may be the size of a 7 month old but she's not ready to be treated like one!
 
   As far as the girls interaction goes, Paige continues to treat Taylor like a live baby doll. A few days ago, she tried to move Taylor from her chair to her play mat on the floor. Thankfully, since Taylor is over half of Paige's body weight, it didn't work out. When Taylor is sitting in her chair and holding her head up, Paige tries to push it back down. The first time I told Paige not to do that, she looked at me and said, 'Bed!', telling me that she was putting Taylor to sleep. I still haven't been able to teach her not to do that because this Momma hasn't been issued eyes for the back of her head yet. It's definitely a work in progress! Sweet Taylor takes it all in stride and giggles away at her sister. Paige still loves to hold her and is more than willing to help me with Taylor. She is always on my heels with a baby doll in her arms, copying everything I do with Taylor. That literally keeps me on my toes!


    On the weekend of May 19, we celebrated Kyle's 22nd birthday with a getaway to Myrtle Beach. We sent the girls to spend the weekend with their favorite Pap Pap and Gigi while we packed everything into 2 days that we could think of!
   To set the scene, we started our date weekend by driving an hour to Smithfield and dropping off the girls. Once my parents had taken them, we stopped for a rare treat of Cold Stone ice cream (mind you, it's 9:30pm by now) before driving the hour back to Fayetteville. We arrived in town just in time to catch the last showing of The Avengers. (It's awesome, by the way!!) I think we went to bed around 3am and we can't remember the last time that happened! We certainly didn't waste any time sleeping in the next morning though. We got up, had breakfast, packed and hit the road.
   Kyle has been dying for a pair of cowboy boots for weeks now so we decided to take the scenic route and check out a western store off of I-95. Unfortunately, it was a bust. They had a pair that he loved but they didn't have the right size. The salesman tried so hard to sell him a pair but adding inserts to make them smaller but Kyle made the wise decision to walk away. We were disappointed but low and behold, we happened upon another western store just minutes from our hotel. They had the exact same pair of boots in his size. SOLD!! May I just say that he is quite the stud in them?!

  Originally, I wanted to surprise Kyle with our getaway but I ended up having to tell him where we were going so he could get permission to leave Bragg. However, I did not have to tell him what we were doing! I surprised him with dinner and a show at Medieval Times, which was great. After that, we decided to head to Broadway at the Beach but most of the shops and things were closed when we got there. You're going to laugh when I tell you this but we ended up watching The Avengers again. I will shamefully admit, that we both fell asleep but we woke up for the good part!

Check out those boots! 

  Sunday morning was spent checking out of the hotel and plowing through breakfast. Obviously, it wasn't anything to write home about but Sunday afternoon totally made up for it. Kyle had the wonderful idea to go horse back riding! Can you think of a better way to break in a brand new pair of cowboy boots?! Neither could we. We drove for half an hour and had to wait another 50 minutes before we could get in the saddle because the other couple coming along was late and lost. I told Kyle later that the prospect of being on a horse is the only thing that could keep us waiting that long without an angry word. There's just something about horses!

His first ride and he's addicted already. 

We passed this sign on the way home. It made us laugh!

   We were excited and sad to head home on Sunday evening. It's wonderful to get away but there's nothing like your own bed, especially when you're used to a king size but you've been sleeping on a double. We spent that night doing nothing because we had sore bums and tired eyes!
   We drove back to Smithfield on Monday to pry the girls away from their Gigi. Nothing will warm your heart like those 'I missed you' smiles! We love it so much when Paige runs to hug us. Who wouldn't?!

 

   As always, our life is moving forward. We're focusing on a happy marriage and spending lots of family time together. We've noticed that Paige has begun to desire all of her Daddy's attention when he gets home and we're doing everything we can to make sure she gets a lot of Daddy-Paige time. When his key hits the lock, she hears it immediately, squeals 'Da-yee!!' and runs to greet him. It's the greatest thing in the world to watch.
We will be very busy in the coming weeks and I will write again when I get the chance. I have several blogs entries that I've been working on but haven't been able to finish. It's another work in progress!

Choose Wisely

   'There just aren't enough hours in the day!'
   We've all heard this before but have you really listened to it? Or thought about why we think there aren't enough? You spend so much time thinking,'I have to get this done today.' or 'This absolutely cannot wait.' Oh yes, it can. In fact, it needs to wait.

   How many times do you choose to load the dishwasher right now instead of waiting another 15 minutes and finally taking the time to read that book to your daughter? How often do you choose to get on Facebook instead of playing ball with your son? Why do you choose to scrub the kitchen instead of curling up on the couch with your husband? I realize that these things are important for your life to function well. I'm not saying you need to neglect them but simply realize that it can wait and it won't hurt anything.

   Do you have any idea why grandparents are so loved by their grandchildren? It's because they spend time with them. They give them their undivided attention when they read books to them. They do not rush through it because they're really worrying about mopping the floor. Grandparents enjoy every second of their time with their grandchildren because they recognize the value of it. They know first hand how quickly these years pass. They know that, in a year, these beautiful, cuddly babies will be walking and they will not be willing to sit and snuggle anymore. In a few months, that spunky toddler will be running around and will not hold your hand on a walk. In a few weeks, that child will not need your help to read. In a few days, that teenager is moving out.

   'There just aren't enough hours in the day!' 

   Yes, there are. There just aren't enough hours to do everything you've convinced yourself will not wait. You can't scrub the entire kitchen, wash every piece of dirty laundry, clean both bathrooms, vacuum the whole house, sit down and feed the baby multiple times, take the dog out, & make breakfast, lunch and dinner.

   Did you even think about reading your Bible or spending some time in prayer? Isn't God the one who has blessed you with a home and children to take care of? When your husband comes home, do you run to greet him at the door like you did before your children were born? Or do you keep sweeping the floor and let him come to you for a brief, 'let's get this over with, I have things to do' kiss? Have you thought about how disappointing that must be to him? He's been gone all day, wondering what you're doing and waiting to get home, only to feel like he's in the way when he gets there. Put the broom down and wrap your arms around that man. Isn't he the one who chooses to work his butt off so that you can have the privilege of staying home with your children? 

   Recognize this...it's not going to hurt a thing for you to leave those dirty dishes in the sink and take your children outside to play. While there's nothing wrong with sending them outside alone while you get the house cleaned up, don't do it every day. Go outside with them or, better yet, allow them to help you clean! Children love to help you and they love to learn new things. There's no reason to send them outside because they won't do it right. If they don't get the dishes clean, who really cares? They can be rewashed. Will it be an 'inconvenience' to you? Yes! Nobody wants to wash dishes twice but stop thinking of yourself. Think of your children. As you stand at the sink with your aching feet & exhausted mind and body, remember their shrieks of joy. Remember the laughter that filled your home 30 minutes ago because they got to help Mommy! Remember the soap suds battle that you had. Remember how tightly they squeezed your neck. How often do they do that? 

   It is true that, at times, you honestly do have the spare minutes and that's ok. I simply want you to recognize that when you tell them 'later', you have to make sure that 'later' comes.  If you continually, say 'Later!' and the 'later' never happens, your precious children will not ask you to read to them anymore. They will not ask you to play outside. They will not ask you play with their dolls or help them build an indoor tent. 

   God put the perfect amount of hours in the day. You are the one who chooses what to do with those hours. You must choose wisely. 

People Change

   I was visiting with some good friends of mine today and, while there, I realized something about myself. I have become a completely different person. By chance, we had a brief conversation about how different we are but it was something else that made my changes stand out to me.
   My friend went into the kitchen to warm up a bottle for her son, who was laying on the couch next to me. When her baby started to fuss, I immediately reached over and picked him up. I cuddled him in my arms, held him close to my chest and talked to him. That is when I noticed how different I am.
   I have always loved children. I love to talk with them and play around. I love their imaginations and their games. However, I have never been a baby person. Babies freaked me out, including my first niece and my friends' children. I had no idea how to change a diaper, soothe a crying baby or even the proper way to hold one. I would avoid any child younger than 2 years old. I gravitated toward any child who could tell me what they wanted and whom I could touch without feeling like I was going to break them.
   I know that my big change comes from having children of my own. When I had Paige at 20, my Mom still had to teach me how to change her diaper. She taught me how to hold her and I had to learn ways to soothe her. I can honestly say that I am still not a 'baby person'. I do not coo at strangers babies nor do I stop to look at them. I'm sure that many people have found me very rude because I do not compliment their baby even though they are fawning over mine. I do not want to be rude at all but the thought to even look at their baby, much less compliment them, never even crosses my mind. However, I am now more than willing to help my friends. I now understand how wonderful it is to have a break from motherhood, even if it is a few short minutes of someone comforting your baby long enough for you to warm up a bottle.
   I can say with confidence, that I will never be a 'baby person' but I adore my nieces and nephew and I love to help my friends with their children. I wish I could do it more often!

March Status Report

   I just wanted to update everybody on life. We've had some big changes in the past few weeks!!
   The first big change was putting Paige in a twin size bed. In the course of a very short hour, our Paige's room transformed from a toddler's room to a little girl's room. The change was amazing and definitely took our breath away. Babyhood does not stay around long and it seems that Paige's was especially short because of Kyle's absence. She loves her new bed and, though it has been nearly a month, she continues to point it out to me 3-4 times a day and 'bed' is often the first word out of her mouth in the morning. I must say it's the cutest thing!

 

Happy girl!

I love the way her room turned out!

   Of course, there are lots of changes with Taylor. First, we decided to call her by her name, Taylor and said goodbye to Ellie. Second, she is transitioning into sleeping much longer at night. She dropped her 3am feeding around 6 weeks and now, at 10 weeks, she is no longer interested in waking up at 10pm to eat. I must admit, this is a huge relief to me! When she was eating at 10, I had to push through my sleepy phase and wasn't getting into bed until 11:30 or later and it took me at least another hour or longer to fall asleep, only to wake up with her again at 7am. Let's just say that is no where near enough sleep for me!

I'm not going to wake up, Mom. 

   We also had Taylor's 2 month check up where she tipped the scales at over 13 pounds and blew everybody out of the water with her 25.75 inches. I'm very happy to report that her health is picture perfect! The down side to the appointment was that she had to get her first round of shots. It never makes me cry when I have to watch them get shots but I always get a pain in my heart when the nurse requires me to hold their arms down and I feel them pull away as they get stuck. Oh, how I hate that part!!!
   As of this morning, we hit another milestone with Taylor. She is rolling over on purpose! In the past week, we have found her on her belly in her crib a few times but her getting that way was always by chance. If you watch the video below, you can see that phase is now over.

   Doesn't that video make you giggle?! Paige was absolutely positive that Taylor was not supposed to be on her belly. As you heard, at first, I stopped Paige from rolling her back over but then I gave in because it was too cute to stop and Paige wasn't hurting anything. She tends to be more rough with Taylor than I would prefer but what else can you expect from a 20 month old?!
   Speaking of our 20 month old, Paige has reached a huge milestone at her young age. She is officially potty trained!!! Oh, what another huge relief and major chunk taken off of my plate. Thank you, Lord!!! It took her about 3 weeks, a lot of M&M's, quite a few accidents and some very confused tears but when it clicked, we were done. It is absolutely awesome! I am very impressed and extremely grateful that she is potty trained at 20 months old. Due to her very young age, I do not require that she be dry after naps or over night. I do expect her to tell me when she needs to go and to use her potty during the day but I do not think it's very fair to expect her to hold her bladder for 12 hours at night. However, she has taken it upon herself and is waking up dry from naps quite often and I always try to make a big deal out of it and reward her. I'm sure night time dryness will come when she's a little older and ready. I'm in no rush for it and am very, very proud of her!!

We found that coloring was a great way to keep Paige
occupied during the early days of potty training.
 It made for a hilarious picture!

   As for Kyle, he is currently kicking butt in Advanced SWAT School. Thankfully, this school is only 5 days long but it is frustrating because the days are very long and he has terrible cell service out there so our chatter is virtually non-existant. It never matters how long that man is gone, I miss him terribly!
   As far as I go, I am doing well. I am still struggling with balancing 2 children and their completely different schedules, along with taking care of our home. Having Paige's potty training done is a huge encouragement and it has taken a large burden from me. I wish I had the words to explain how excited I am about that! I know that struggle is not going anywhere. It is something that comes along with wife/mother-hood. I am simply praying for a better handle on it.
   On the whole, our family is blossoming. Paige and Taylor are growing like weeds and constantly changing. Kyle and I are happy and looking forward to whatever challenge Paige and Taylor throw at us next!

The Guilt of an Army Wife

   My Soldier has officially been home for a year.
   If you are not a Military Wife, you have no idea what it really feels like to speak those words. You can't possibly understand the relief and joy in it nor can you understand the fear. Yes, I said fear.
   The 'rule' in the Army is that, when Soldiers come home from deployment, they must be in the States for 12 months before they can deploy again. Now, as you can imagine, this rule is not always followed but in my Soldier's case, it has been. However, his 'safe' year is now over. Considering the unit my Soldier is in, it is possible, but not likely, that he will deploy again. (I am talking about deploying again before his contract is up in less than 2 years)  Although, I cannot completely release myself to it, I find great joy in that. I love the unit my husband is currently in. His hours are not terribly long, we are able to sneak a lunch date on occasion, and, most of all, he enjoys it!
   Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I cannot release myself to it. Well, half of that reason is simply because we are in the Army. We know how the Army operates and you NEVER know when orders will come down or what mood my husband's 'mistress' will be in from day to day. Anything is possible. However, I can guarantee that you have no idea what the other half is. It is guilt.
   My husband has been home for a year. It has been a glorious year. He has finally been able to establish a true, deep love with our oldest daughter, Paige, and has been here for the birth of our second. With Taylor, he has been able to enjoy the things that he missed in Paige's babyhood. My husband and I have been able to reconnect and grow together. We have been able to become a family. But that doesn't answer that 'Why guilt?' question, does it?
   I feel guilty because not all of my friends Soldiers have been home for a year and, those that have, will be leaving in a matter of months. Do you have any idea what those women would give to be in my shoes? I, who have no deployment looming on the horizon or orders to a distant land staring me in the face. I know that I will not get all of the details correct but let me try to give you a glimpse of how bad those women would wish to be me...
   There is a fellow wife here who's husband came home with mine and decided to change his MOS. (change his occupation) He was home for a couple months and then left again for a few months of school. I believe he was able to come home on the weekends but all that really means is she may have gotten a full 24 hours with him every 6 days because he had to drive back and forth. I'm not sure when they came but, because of his new job, her husband received orders to go to Kuwait. I know they tried to fight those orders because the Army 'rule' is that he be home and safe for a year. They were basically told that there was nothing that could be done regardless of the 'rules'. Then, they got great news!! They're expecting a baby girl!! Now, I can tell you, as a wife who got the baby news after the deployment news, the deployment steals the joy of the baby. The first thought in your brain is 'No, please not now!'. Don't hear me wrong. She wants her baby and she is excited to be pregnant but she wants her husband home to meet their baby. She wants him here to enjoy everything with her. She wants to know that he will be here when their first daughter is born. She wants him to be safe. She can't have any of that. The only things she can do is cry, grieve and pray.
   Another very good friend of mine, just had her first, adorable, baby girl. As before, her man came home with mine and his MOS changed. After being home for a short time, he went away to months of school in another state. He missed finding out that they were having a little pink bundle but, thankfully, he did make it home for the last months of her pregnancy and was here for her birth. However, he has another year long deployment staring him in the face. For the most part, his Army career has been a 'typical' one...home one year and gone the next. This year, he will miss so many of his baby girl's 'firsts'. He will not be here when she starts sitting up. He will miss her first steps and her first birthday. He will not hear her first word. My friend will have a love-hate relationship with these things. She will love that they are happening and will also grieve because of it. There will be a vast black hole in her life for yet another year and even the memories of these things will be tainted with the shadow of grief.
   Sadly, I have many more but my last example is of a friend who's story is close to but longer than mine. She gave birth to her first baby boy on the day the men left for Iraq. Thankfully, her husband was able to stay but they did not know he would until, I believe, 48 hours before the scheduled departure time. Did I mention that she was in labor but had no baby at this point? With another gigantic thank you, Luke finally made his appearance after a long, horrendous labor and an emergency c-section. His Dad was able to stay for 2 or 3 weeks before meeting the 108th in Iraq. Deployment ended a little early and he was here for Luke's first birthday and was able to see his first 'official' steps but he missed everything in between. We wives called Luke our 'Deployment Baby'. We got excited every time he turned 1 month older because it meant we were one month closer to the end! Her and her Soldier now have their second baby boy, who is less than a month old, and guess what? Her husband has orders to Korea. He will be stationed there for at least a year but, what most people don't know is that Korea is not considered a deployment. It is a permanent duty station and it is possible for him to receive deployment orders while there and be gone for 2 years or longer. He missed everything with their first boy and now will miss everything again. Their second son will be around 2.5 months old when his Dad leaves and will be over a year when he returns, if no deployment orders are issued.
   Again, words cannot express how happy I am to have my Soldier home but I also find guilt in my bliss. I mourn for my friends and I wish to take this burden and pain away from them. As a fellow Army wife, I know that I can 'understand' their pain but there is nothing that can be done about it. There are no comforting words to speak or letters to write. None of my hugs will replace his arms and, trust me, I will not be kissing them! I want to protect my friends from that horrible loneliness, the empty hole and the constant fear but I know I cannot.