Happy Birthday, Friend

   Today is my best friend's birthday. I've been fighting emotion all morning. I am so heartbroken that she is not here to read her card. However, I have decided that today will not be a sad day. Today is a day that I have always celebrated my friend's life. Why should this birthday be any different? Yes, she is gone and I am still grieving her loss but I'm tired of being sad about her. I want to remember the joy of who she was and relive the smiles and laughter we shared. I don't want to grieve today. I want to tell you about her and how much she meant to me. I want you to know what a treasure she was. I can't promise that it will make sense. As I said, I'm very emotional today.

   I knew Ashley for a solid year before I became close to her. I remember it as clear as day. We were at a summer camp with our church and I had an accident the morning after we arrived. When I say accident, I mean disaster. I, in all of my 14 year old brilliance, had decided to drop-in to a 6 foot high half pipe. Now, I was not a skateboarder but I strapped on a helmet, got my footing on a friend's board and went face first onto the fiberglass bottom. I broke my nose, bit through my lip, and had 2 very swollen, black eyes for 8 months. I didn't recognize it at the time, but my body was in a slight state of shock and I definitely had a concussion. The days were easily 80 degrees yet I was freezing most of the time. My hands trembled and I couldn't remember things people had said 2 minutes before. Years later, I remember very few details about that week but I know that Ashley was there. She was the one who went to find my Mom after I fell. She shared a bunk with me at night to keep me warm. She stuck close to my side when I felt dizzy and had a hard time walking. She became my friend.

   After that, we were normal teenager pals...sleepovers every weekend and long shopping trips where we argued about who should wear what. My favorite shopping trip will always be the time we went to the mall and tried on the ugliest clothes and shoes we could find in the store. I love to look back at those pictures! They're full of her laughter and smiles.
   Another favorite of mine, is one of our sleepovers. I came over after her younger brother and sister were asleep and had brought a new CD. When I turned the stereo on, it was REALLY loud. I remember her mom calling her into the other room. When Ashley came back, I asked what happened and she said that her mom was upset because she was afraid the music would wake everybody up. Then she said, she told her mom that it was her own fault and that she would turn it down. When I asked her why she didn't say it was me, she brushed it off and said she didn't want her mom upset with me. Now, her mom wasn't about to beat her with a red hot poker or anything but that was the first time somebody had willingly taken the fall for me. I felt both surprised and loved.
   Ashley had a beautiful smile and could be the most loyal of friends. She was a hard worker and did her best to help when she could. I loved all the things about her that made her different. I remember little details about who she was and these are the ones that make me smile. Like, as a teenager, she wasn't wild about sweets yet had a whole drawer of candy in her bedroom. She loved juice as much as a toddler and was a talented artist. Her love of butterflies was apparent to anyone who knew her. It made her so mad when people called them 'flutter-byes'. I used to say it just to tease her.
   I have no desire to sanctify Ashley. As with all humans, she wasn't perfect. We disagreed, fussed, and argued but it never changed anything. She was and will remain a treasure in my life. Make no mistake, there are few people on this earth who loved Ashley more than I. There are even less people who miss her more than I do.

Happy Birthday, my Friend.