Choose Wisely

   'There just aren't enough hours in the day!'
   We've all heard this before but have you really listened to it? Or thought about why we think there aren't enough? You spend so much time thinking,'I have to get this done today.' or 'This absolutely cannot wait.' Oh yes, it can. In fact, it needs to wait.

   How many times do you choose to load the dishwasher right now instead of waiting another 15 minutes and finally taking the time to read that book to your daughter? How often do you choose to get on Facebook instead of playing ball with your son? Why do you choose to scrub the kitchen instead of curling up on the couch with your husband? I realize that these things are important for your life to function well. I'm not saying you need to neglect them but simply realize that it can wait and it won't hurt anything.

   Do you have any idea why grandparents are so loved by their grandchildren? It's because they spend time with them. They give them their undivided attention when they read books to them. They do not rush through it because they're really worrying about mopping the floor. Grandparents enjoy every second of their time with their grandchildren because they recognize the value of it. They know first hand how quickly these years pass. They know that, in a year, these beautiful, cuddly babies will be walking and they will not be willing to sit and snuggle anymore. In a few months, that spunky toddler will be running around and will not hold your hand on a walk. In a few weeks, that child will not need your help to read. In a few days, that teenager is moving out.

   'There just aren't enough hours in the day!' 

   Yes, there are. There just aren't enough hours to do everything you've convinced yourself will not wait. You can't scrub the entire kitchen, wash every piece of dirty laundry, clean both bathrooms, vacuum the whole house, sit down and feed the baby multiple times, take the dog out, & make breakfast, lunch and dinner.

   Did you even think about reading your Bible or spending some time in prayer? Isn't God the one who has blessed you with a home and children to take care of? When your husband comes home, do you run to greet him at the door like you did before your children were born? Or do you keep sweeping the floor and let him come to you for a brief, 'let's get this over with, I have things to do' kiss? Have you thought about how disappointing that must be to him? He's been gone all day, wondering what you're doing and waiting to get home, only to feel like he's in the way when he gets there. Put the broom down and wrap your arms around that man. Isn't he the one who chooses to work his butt off so that you can have the privilege of staying home with your children? 

   Recognize this...it's not going to hurt a thing for you to leave those dirty dishes in the sink and take your children outside to play. While there's nothing wrong with sending them outside alone while you get the house cleaned up, don't do it every day. Go outside with them or, better yet, allow them to help you clean! Children love to help you and they love to learn new things. There's no reason to send them outside because they won't do it right. If they don't get the dishes clean, who really cares? They can be rewashed. Will it be an 'inconvenience' to you? Yes! Nobody wants to wash dishes twice but stop thinking of yourself. Think of your children. As you stand at the sink with your aching feet & exhausted mind and body, remember their shrieks of joy. Remember the laughter that filled your home 30 minutes ago because they got to help Mommy! Remember the soap suds battle that you had. Remember how tightly they squeezed your neck. How often do they do that? 

   It is true that, at times, you honestly do have the spare minutes and that's ok. I simply want you to recognize that when you tell them 'later', you have to make sure that 'later' comes.  If you continually, say 'Later!' and the 'later' never happens, your precious children will not ask you to read to them anymore. They will not ask you to play outside. They will not ask you play with their dolls or help them build an indoor tent. 

   God put the perfect amount of hours in the day. You are the one who chooses what to do with those hours. You must choose wisely. 

People Change

   I was visiting with some good friends of mine today and, while there, I realized something about myself. I have become a completely different person. By chance, we had a brief conversation about how different we are but it was something else that made my changes stand out to me.
   My friend went into the kitchen to warm up a bottle for her son, who was laying on the couch next to me. When her baby started to fuss, I immediately reached over and picked him up. I cuddled him in my arms, held him close to my chest and talked to him. That is when I noticed how different I am.
   I have always loved children. I love to talk with them and play around. I love their imaginations and their games. However, I have never been a baby person. Babies freaked me out, including my first niece and my friends' children. I had no idea how to change a diaper, soothe a crying baby or even the proper way to hold one. I would avoid any child younger than 2 years old. I gravitated toward any child who could tell me what they wanted and whom I could touch without feeling like I was going to break them.
   I know that my big change comes from having children of my own. When I had Paige at 20, my Mom still had to teach me how to change her diaper. She taught me how to hold her and I had to learn ways to soothe her. I can honestly say that I am still not a 'baby person'. I do not coo at strangers babies nor do I stop to look at them. I'm sure that many people have found me very rude because I do not compliment their baby even though they are fawning over mine. I do not want to be rude at all but the thought to even look at their baby, much less compliment them, never even crosses my mind. However, I am now more than willing to help my friends. I now understand how wonderful it is to have a break from motherhood, even if it is a few short minutes of someone comforting your baby long enough for you to warm up a bottle.
   I can say with confidence, that I will never be a 'baby person' but I adore my nieces and nephew and I love to help my friends with their children. I wish I could do it more often!

March Status Report

   I just wanted to update everybody on life. We've had some big changes in the past few weeks!!
   The first big change was putting Paige in a twin size bed. In the course of a very short hour, our Paige's room transformed from a toddler's room to a little girl's room. The change was amazing and definitely took our breath away. Babyhood does not stay around long and it seems that Paige's was especially short because of Kyle's absence. She loves her new bed and, though it has been nearly a month, she continues to point it out to me 3-4 times a day and 'bed' is often the first word out of her mouth in the morning. I must say it's the cutest thing!

 

Happy girl!

I love the way her room turned out!

   Of course, there are lots of changes with Taylor. First, we decided to call her by her name, Taylor and said goodbye to Ellie. Second, she is transitioning into sleeping much longer at night. She dropped her 3am feeding around 6 weeks and now, at 10 weeks, she is no longer interested in waking up at 10pm to eat. I must admit, this is a huge relief to me! When she was eating at 10, I had to push through my sleepy phase and wasn't getting into bed until 11:30 or later and it took me at least another hour or longer to fall asleep, only to wake up with her again at 7am. Let's just say that is no where near enough sleep for me!

I'm not going to wake up, Mom. 

   We also had Taylor's 2 month check up where she tipped the scales at over 13 pounds and blew everybody out of the water with her 25.75 inches. I'm very happy to report that her health is picture perfect! The down side to the appointment was that she had to get her first round of shots. It never makes me cry when I have to watch them get shots but I always get a pain in my heart when the nurse requires me to hold their arms down and I feel them pull away as they get stuck. Oh, how I hate that part!!!
   As of this morning, we hit another milestone with Taylor. She is rolling over on purpose! In the past week, we have found her on her belly in her crib a few times but her getting that way was always by chance. If you watch the video below, you can see that phase is now over.

   Doesn't that video make you giggle?! Paige was absolutely positive that Taylor was not supposed to be on her belly. As you heard, at first, I stopped Paige from rolling her back over but then I gave in because it was too cute to stop and Paige wasn't hurting anything. She tends to be more rough with Taylor than I would prefer but what else can you expect from a 20 month old?!
   Speaking of our 20 month old, Paige has reached a huge milestone at her young age. She is officially potty trained!!! Oh, what another huge relief and major chunk taken off of my plate. Thank you, Lord!!! It took her about 3 weeks, a lot of M&M's, quite a few accidents and some very confused tears but when it clicked, we were done. It is absolutely awesome! I am very impressed and extremely grateful that she is potty trained at 20 months old. Due to her very young age, I do not require that she be dry after naps or over night. I do expect her to tell me when she needs to go and to use her potty during the day but I do not think it's very fair to expect her to hold her bladder for 12 hours at night. However, she has taken it upon herself and is waking up dry from naps quite often and I always try to make a big deal out of it and reward her. I'm sure night time dryness will come when she's a little older and ready. I'm in no rush for it and am very, very proud of her!!

We found that coloring was a great way to keep Paige
occupied during the early days of potty training.
 It made for a hilarious picture!

   As for Kyle, he is currently kicking butt in Advanced SWAT School. Thankfully, this school is only 5 days long but it is frustrating because the days are very long and he has terrible cell service out there so our chatter is virtually non-existant. It never matters how long that man is gone, I miss him terribly!
   As far as I go, I am doing well. I am still struggling with balancing 2 children and their completely different schedules, along with taking care of our home. Having Paige's potty training done is a huge encouragement and it has taken a large burden from me. I wish I had the words to explain how excited I am about that! I know that struggle is not going anywhere. It is something that comes along with wife/mother-hood. I am simply praying for a better handle on it.
   On the whole, our family is blossoming. Paige and Taylor are growing like weeds and constantly changing. Kyle and I are happy and looking forward to whatever challenge Paige and Taylor throw at us next!

The Guilt of an Army Wife

   My Soldier has officially been home for a year.
   If you are not a Military Wife, you have no idea what it really feels like to speak those words. You can't possibly understand the relief and joy in it nor can you understand the fear. Yes, I said fear.
   The 'rule' in the Army is that, when Soldiers come home from deployment, they must be in the States for 12 months before they can deploy again. Now, as you can imagine, this rule is not always followed but in my Soldier's case, it has been. However, his 'safe' year is now over. Considering the unit my Soldier is in, it is possible, but not likely, that he will deploy again. (I am talking about deploying again before his contract is up in less than 2 years)  Although, I cannot completely release myself to it, I find great joy in that. I love the unit my husband is currently in. His hours are not terribly long, we are able to sneak a lunch date on occasion, and, most of all, he enjoys it!
   Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I cannot release myself to it. Well, half of that reason is simply because we are in the Army. We know how the Army operates and you NEVER know when orders will come down or what mood my husband's 'mistress' will be in from day to day. Anything is possible. However, I can guarantee that you have no idea what the other half is. It is guilt.
   My husband has been home for a year. It has been a glorious year. He has finally been able to establish a true, deep love with our oldest daughter, Paige, and has been here for the birth of our second. With Taylor, he has been able to enjoy the things that he missed in Paige's babyhood. My husband and I have been able to reconnect and grow together. We have been able to become a family. But that doesn't answer that 'Why guilt?' question, does it?
   I feel guilty because not all of my friends Soldiers have been home for a year and, those that have, will be leaving in a matter of months. Do you have any idea what those women would give to be in my shoes? I, who have no deployment looming on the horizon or orders to a distant land staring me in the face. I know that I will not get all of the details correct but let me try to give you a glimpse of how bad those women would wish to be me...
   There is a fellow wife here who's husband came home with mine and decided to change his MOS. (change his occupation) He was home for a couple months and then left again for a few months of school. I believe he was able to come home on the weekends but all that really means is she may have gotten a full 24 hours with him every 6 days because he had to drive back and forth. I'm not sure when they came but, because of his new job, her husband received orders to go to Kuwait. I know they tried to fight those orders because the Army 'rule' is that he be home and safe for a year. They were basically told that there was nothing that could be done regardless of the 'rules'. Then, they got great news!! They're expecting a baby girl!! Now, I can tell you, as a wife who got the baby news after the deployment news, the deployment steals the joy of the baby. The first thought in your brain is 'No, please not now!'. Don't hear me wrong. She wants her baby and she is excited to be pregnant but she wants her husband home to meet their baby. She wants him here to enjoy everything with her. She wants to know that he will be here when their first daughter is born. She wants him to be safe. She can't have any of that. The only things she can do is cry, grieve and pray.
   Another very good friend of mine, just had her first, adorable, baby girl. As before, her man came home with mine and his MOS changed. After being home for a short time, he went away to months of school in another state. He missed finding out that they were having a little pink bundle but, thankfully, he did make it home for the last months of her pregnancy and was here for her birth. However, he has another year long deployment staring him in the face. For the most part, his Army career has been a 'typical' one...home one year and gone the next. This year, he will miss so many of his baby girl's 'firsts'. He will not be here when she starts sitting up. He will miss her first steps and her first birthday. He will not hear her first word. My friend will have a love-hate relationship with these things. She will love that they are happening and will also grieve because of it. There will be a vast black hole in her life for yet another year and even the memories of these things will be tainted with the shadow of grief.
   Sadly, I have many more but my last example is of a friend who's story is close to but longer than mine. She gave birth to her first baby boy on the day the men left for Iraq. Thankfully, her husband was able to stay but they did not know he would until, I believe, 48 hours before the scheduled departure time. Did I mention that she was in labor but had no baby at this point? With another gigantic thank you, Luke finally made his appearance after a long, horrendous labor and an emergency c-section. His Dad was able to stay for 2 or 3 weeks before meeting the 108th in Iraq. Deployment ended a little early and he was here for Luke's first birthday and was able to see his first 'official' steps but he missed everything in between. We wives called Luke our 'Deployment Baby'. We got excited every time he turned 1 month older because it meant we were one month closer to the end! Her and her Soldier now have their second baby boy, who is less than a month old, and guess what? Her husband has orders to Korea. He will be stationed there for at least a year but, what most people don't know is that Korea is not considered a deployment. It is a permanent duty station and it is possible for him to receive deployment orders while there and be gone for 2 years or longer. He missed everything with their first boy and now will miss everything again. Their second son will be around 2.5 months old when his Dad leaves and will be over a year when he returns, if no deployment orders are issued.
   Again, words cannot express how happy I am to have my Soldier home but I also find guilt in my bliss. I mourn for my friends and I wish to take this burden and pain away from them. As a fellow Army wife, I know that I can 'understand' their pain but there is nothing that can be done about it. There are no comforting words to speak or letters to write. None of my hugs will replace his arms and, trust me, I will not be kissing them! I want to protect my friends from that horrible loneliness, the empty hole and the constant fear but I know I cannot.

As a mother...

    As a mother, you often hear older mothers say the words, 'Enjoy every moment! It goes fast!'. Now, I completely agree with the latter part of that statement. Babies do not stay babies for long and when it's gone, the change is over-night and absolutely incredible.
   However, I couldn't disagree more with the first part. 'Enjoy every moment!'...ARE YOU SERIOUS??!! No woman, in her right mind, can look me in the eye and say that she genuinely enjoyed every single moment with her babies. I will call her a liar faster than she can blink. At which point does a mom begin to 'enjoy' being up at 3 in the morning and ending up with poo on her hands because she's changing a disgusting diaper through half open, unconscious eyes?! That is not something you can 'enjoy'. I'm fairly certain that people who enjoy playing with poo, end up in a mental institution. What woman 'enjoys' getting no sleep for what can be months? Or, my personal favorite, getting pooped and peed on at all hours of the night and day, then, when they're supposed to be going to bed, having to put the baby in the tub because they have poo from their butts to their ears and back, hearing them scream at ear-shattering levels for 15 minutes, getting a floppy newborn out of the tub by yourself, listening to more painful shrieks as you dry them off, dress them, and bundle them for bed. Not to mention, that once and IF you manage to get them calmed down, you go to lay them down, and the end of the world happens for the 50th time that day. All of a sudden, every blood vessel in their face is about to burst and you're wondering why you didn't consider adoption at the first sign of those pink lines. You're exhausted, frustrated, and beyond confused. You 'enjoyed' that?! Well, you're an idiot.
   Let me just say to my friends who are pregnant, are about to have their baby or are holding their newborn as we speak...DO NOT feel guilty because you don't enjoy every second with your child. Don't feel guilty because sometimes, you don't care to hold them or because you just want your quiet house back. Don't feel guilty because you aren't jumping for joy at the thought of waking them up to eat. I would even go as far as to say, do not feel guilty because that little 8 pound human in the other room, actually scares you. Lastly, DO NOT feel guilty because, when you hear the words, 'Enjoy every moment!', you want to cry and scream out, ' BUT I'M NOT!!!'. There's nothing realistic about enjoying every second with a baby, a toddler, a teenager or an adult. Do you enjoy every second with your husband?! NO. You get angry at him, you fight with him, sometimes you want him to leave you alone for a little while, don't you? And don't say no because I'll call you a liar too.
   My point is that having a child, no matter what their age, is the hardest things you will ever do. Being a mother doesn't come 'naturally'. I'm sorry to tell you this but, when you have that baby, you don't immediately get the knowledge of how to soothe a baby who has been screaming for hours. Motherhood is not always glamorous. There are days when you will not be able to shower, comb your hair or even brush your teeth. There is nothing wrong with that. Children are hard work and they don't have a '15 minute break' rule.
   Hear this, my friends, you are not alone. You are not a bad mother. You are learning the things that will make you a great mother. There is great wisdom in the statement, 'Each child is different.' There is no manual you can read that will fix everything. What you need to do, is calm down and realize that the anger, exhaustion and confusion you feel, is perfectly fine. It will not last forever. You will find your way and your baby will not grow up to be a terror. You can find your enjoyment in the few hours that they sleep and, when they do, sit down a relax on the couch! Your joy will come when you hear their first laugh and, after weeks of trying, watch them rollover for the first time. Find your solitude in the sweet bundle that is asleep on your chest and forget how long it took to get them that way. Find peace in their brief smiles and tiny hands, my friends. These things won't last forever either.
                  

Welcoming Ellie

   I have sat down 100 times to write this piece and every time, the only thought in my brain has been, "I'm so tired." Well, tonight is no different and tomorrow will be just the same so, why am I putting it off? However, my brain is still 'new Momma' foggy so I cannot promise that this will be an easy, flowing read but here goes...
   Our Ellie was born at Womack Army Medical Center at 2043 (8:43 pm). Let's just say everyone in the delivery room was amazed at how big she was. I heard them taking bets on her weight as they got her cleaned up and put on the scale. Baby girl didn't disappoint! She weighed in at a whopping 10lbs 3oz and was 21 inches long! A lot of people have asked me how she compared to Paige. Well, Paige was 8lbs, 21.5 inches, so I would say a comparison is not possible. Ellie had her beat from the beginning!
    Anyway, since I ran a fever during labor, the poor girl had to be carted away to the NICU and given an IV for antibiotics before she could even eat! Since I couldn't leave the room, Kyle had the wonderful task of watching the Docs poke her with one needle after another. After a ridiculously long 2 1/2 hours of looking for a vein, they gave up and she had to have individual shots. Poor baby had blood, bruises and Bandaids all over her when I got her back! To add insult to injury, they also had to check her blood sugar every single time she ate, which meant another needle or two every 3 hours. I still don't fully understand what that was about. I just remember them saying that it was because she was so big. I will say that, if the girl has an intense fear of needles for the rest of her life, I will completely understand!
   Since we're 'second time offenders', we were supposed to stay in the hospital for 24 hours and go home. Well, we ended up having to stay 3 days because Ellie had to have another dose of antibiotics every 8 hours. We were definitely not prepared to stay that long nor were we happy about it. After those 3 days, our apartment was the most beautiful place we'd ever seen! Now that we're home, we are concentrating on recovering as much sleep as possible and getting Ellie's schedule established. She's doing great so far!
   As far as she and Paige go, they couldn't be more opposite! We can already see that Ellie is a quiet, mild-mannered little thing. Paige, on the other hand, has no idea what the word 'quiet' means! She is a huge ball of energy that never stops going. If she does stand still for a moment, her mouth is going 90 miles an hour. She squeals so loud that she makes Ellie jump but baby girl never skips a beat. She just watches Paige with eyes open wide. They are blending perfectly. Thankfully, getting up in the night with Ellie has not disturbed Paige. Of course, during the day, Paige can't stand for Ellie to cry and if she hears her, she immediately runs to my side, hollering, 'Baby! Baby! Baby!'. She is absolutely fascinated by everything Ellie does and constantly asks to go get her up or to hold her. Paige's favorite thing to do is hold Ellie's hand. However, she doesn't understand why Ellie won't hold still!

   In closing, we are doing beautifully. We are experiencing the true joy of having a new baby for the first time. My Kyle has been a gigantic help and oh so patient with me and my foggy brain. The birth of our Ellie has been one of the greatest joys of our marriage.

Benefits, huh?

   I have heard it said that military families do nothing but complain, that we are ungrateful, and that we are all just a bunch of whiners. I've heard it said that we have everything given to us and our lives are so easy because we don't really have to work for anything. Our salaries are a set amount and we never have to worry about how much we're going to make this paycheck or where the money is going to come from. We have free healthcare and we can get discounts at certain stores just by flashing our ID cards. We don't have to pay taxes at the military stores. We get groceries at a discounted rate. Blah, blah, blah...
   Now, do military families complain? YES. Do civilian families complain? YES. People are the ones who complain. Most people are never satisfied, nor will they ever be. It doesn't matter if you are a Soldier, work at Pizza Hut, or are Bill Gates, there is always something that you would change and something that just rubs you the wrong way. In my opinion, a military family has every right to 'complain' when their Soldier is gone for weeks, months, and years at a time. Should they complain every moment of the day? Absolutely not. I am an Army Wife and even I will say that it's irritating to listen to somebody's sob story about their Soldier being gone. We can all identify with the misery of it and we know how much it hurts BUT, it's not any worse for you than it is for me. Every family is different and each has their own struggles with their Soldier's absence, none of which are comparable.
    Being an Army wife, I do wish to defend our 'complaining' because I do believe that most people simply do not understand military life and all they see are the benefits that we are 'given'.
    My first argument is that my Soldier works very hard for his money. There are times when my Soldier works 80 hours a week for absolutely no reason and, trust me, he doesn't get paid over-time for it. The only thing he gets for his extra time is lack of sleep and frustration. We get a set amount of money, no matter how long his work hours are. I bet most of you have no idea that a Soldier's civilian counter-part makes 30% to 40% more money than he does. Not to mention that we get paid by a government that is currently billions of dollars in debt. Trust me, we don't always know that our next paycheck will be in the bank when it is supposed to be nor do we know if it will be for the right amount. Believe me, you'll need the hand of God to get it fixed if it's wrong!
    Also, I've heard that we shouldn't complain about how much money we make because we get so many benefits. Well, let's talk about the most obvious benefit of healthcare. While we do receive free healthcare, it does come at a price. You are either assigned to a doctor at random or you can wait in line for at least an hour, usually longer, and randomly pick one off of a list that gives you only their name and address. Oh and did I mention that, whether your doctor is military or civilian, you have no chance of getting in to see them quickly? There are so many of us stationed here and more pouring in, that the doctor's offices are completely over loaded. The average wait time to see a doctor for something as simple as a mild ear infection or a cold is 3 weeks, if you're lucky. Do you know what option that leaves you? Absolutely nothing...until your child's infection gets so bad that you end up at the Womack ER at 3 a.m., where you sit and wait for hours on end because 10 of your neighbor's have been there since midnight. Another aggravating thing about our healthcare is that, when you're assigned to a military care facility, you rarely, and I mean rarely, see the same doctor twice, which sets you up for conflicting opinions and you rarely get an actual diagnosis or treatment.
      I will stop here because I do not want to be seen as a complainer myself. There are frustrating things about our 'benefits' but, at least we have access to them. I simply want to say that, in my opinion, we do, on occasion, have the right to complain about these 'benefits' because sometimes, they are not a benefit at all.