I hate waking up in the morning and knowing that it's going to be a horrible day. Today is the day that I say goodbye to my best friend. Today is the day that I have to face the grief and pain on her beloved family's faces. I don't want to attend her funeral. I don't want to have to comfort her family. These are people whom I greatly love. They are people whom I never wanted to hurt in such a way. I never wanted to hurt in such a way.
I don't want to go inside and see the urn of her ashes. I don't want to cry for her. I don't want to miss her. I don't want to say goodbye. I want to run in the opposite direction of the funeral home and yet I'm about to drive 80mph straight to it.
I want to hug her. I want to hear her laugh. I want to see her squeeze her children and hear her repeat the hilarious things they say. I want to trade the war stories of motherhood. I want to smile when I see her walking away, hand in hand with her husband. I want to feel happiness. I want to see her.
I know that I will not make it through her memorial without a lot of tears. I know that I will not make it through the next months without sorrow. I know I will think about her for the rest of my days. I will miss her until we meet again. I know that today is just going to be a bad day.
